Matchmaking Advice from Your Grandma Zelda by Elise Sax

Author:Elise Sax [sax, elise]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Elise Sax

Lesson 56

Body odor, bowel movements, bellyaches, bosoms, and burps. Lots of “B”s or TMI? Relationship “experts” will tell their clients to stay clear of these embarrassing little topics, but I say: What the hell, get in there and air your dirty laundry. One man’s shmata is another man’s Dior Couture. Talking about the gas he’s got from eating stuffed cabbage might make a woman run for cover, or she might say, “My burrito is backing up on me.” TMI can be A-OK.

Lesson 57

Is that all there is? Remember that song? No, of course you don’t. I have bras older than you. You think Cary Grant is a takeout place. Anyway, is that all there is? Maybe a match will come to you and ask you that. This is a very important question. Difficult. It’s like a King Solomon question. It’s a question about the meaning of love. Am I really in love? Is this what love feels like? Where are the violins? Where are the harps? You got to help them with this, dolly. You’re the love barometer. You measure the love. If they don’t know, it could be a bad sign. But maybe they don’t understand love. Maybe love just is. Like a solo act. It doesn’t always have orchestral accompaniment.

Pupik

(Belly button - term of endearment)

Lesson 57 (another one!)

Everyone talks about the calm before the storm, but nobody warns you about the calm after the storm, bubeleh. I know, I know—storms are scary. All that wind blows you to hell and gone and can turn you upside down. Drown you. But in love, dolly—and in matchmaking—drowning can be a good thing. Things should be stirred up. Things should be moving. Chaos is love’s friend. You know what I mean? So if your matches are drowning, if they are having their kishkes blown to smithereens, that might be a good thing. Be happy for storms in your matches’ lives. Be happy for the couples who are holding on for dear life. But if the wind changes and it becomes dead calm, dolly, be afraid. Be very afraid.

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